


Different Kinds of Need

by fireflysglow_archivist



Category: Firefly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-24
Updated: 2006-01-24
Packaged: 2019-04-29 06:22:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14466852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireflysglow_archivist/pseuds/fireflysglow_archivist
Summary: At little mourning for Wash





	Different Kinds of Need

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Firefly’s Glow](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Firefly%27s_Glow), and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Firefly's Glow collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/fireflysglow/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Set after Serenity film, faintly connected to my other stories

  
Author's notes: Set after Serenity film, faintly connected to my other stories  


* * *

Different Kinds of Need

## Different Kinds of Need

When it was her duty, during her watch, she checked it. When the captain called her there, when there was plenty going on to occupy her mind, she went. But otherwise, since Miranda, Zoe avoided the cockpit. 

It was her watch. So she was going, but she was in no hurry. She was walking slow past the engine room. Plenty slow enough to hear the shaky gasping breaths coming from the room. Her instinct was to avoid that too, probably Kaylee and the Doc were in there together. Hard to get privacy on board ship. She'd known that well enough. But she was moving plenty slow enough to hear that there weren't nothing moving in there. Not sex. Just Kaylee gasping. She swung in, fast, ready for action. 

And spotted Kaylee curled in the corner, head against Serenity's wall, a greasy bit of grey metal in her lap, sobbing her eyes out. 

"Kaylee" The girl looked up, saw who had come in, and made a desperate attempt to pull herself together. "You hurt?" 

Kaylee gasped again, wiping her eyes futilely on her grimy coverall. "No..." She swallowed, twice, almost managed to control her voice. "I'm okay Zoe." 

"How about Serenity?" She gestured to the part Kaylee held. "We gonna break down again?" 

"Oh, no." That came out clearer. "This ain't but a little thing. I kin fix it. It's all fine." 

Zoe had been avoiding lots of things other than the cockpit. Other people's emotions, for instance. They were never her strong point best of times. This was a long way from being the best. But Kaylee sobbing wasn't a sight anyone on this boat took lightly. Zoe stayed put. "Didn't sound that way." 

Kaylee avoided Zoe's eyes. "It ain't nothin' Zoe." 

Zoe crouched down, tried one more guess. "This about you'n Simon? 'Cause I'll leave that alone if you want me too." She half smiled. "Unless you'd want me to kick his rear 'bout somethin." 

Kaylee looked surprised. "No. Oh, there's no call to kick Simon. I just..." She looked back down at the part in her lap. And her eyes filled again. "I was missin' Wash." When Zoe stiffened and stood, Kaylee gasped again. "I'm sorry Zoe. I...I didn't mean to say nothin'" 

Zoe made herself turn back to the girl on the floor. Made herself sit down next to her. It wasn't easy, but not much was these days. Not since Wash... "I don't suppose you need to apologize to me for missin' my husband." She took the bit of metal from Kaylee. "This set you goin'?" 

Kaylee looked uncertainly at the woman beside her for another moment. "Well...it's silly I guess. Just...that's a rotational gauge. It helps keep us flyin' steady. And I felt somethin' just a little bit wrong tonight 'bout how we're movin'. Just a mite wobbly. Can you feel it?" 

Zoe concentrated. "Maybe. Only now that you say." 

"Well...I thought, I gotta tell Wash so's he can compensate for it. And then I realized I couldn't no more. I guess that got me started. And then I thought, if Wash were still here, there wouldn't be no need to tell him. He'd have known. He'd have told me." Kaylee was crying again now, trying to stop. "And I just felt so lonely for him I couldn't help it. I'm sorry." 

Zoe drew a shuddering breath, but her voice remained clear. "You felt...lonely for him?" 

"Oh, Zoe, not like you lonely, but...Wash he could feel how the ship was flyin', you know? Captain loves Serenity, you all do a little. But Wash and me knew first when something weren't right." 

Zoe remembered something she had said to her husband after the Niska had tortured him. Something when they were alone in their bunk. She'd told him there was all different kinds of need. He'd understood. He'd found out that day what kind of need you could have for Mal. The kind that would make you take risks for him, 'cause you knew gut deep he'd take the worst of it for you, every time he could. 

Now she remembered how whenever something on Serenity was awry Kaylee and Wash would look for each other. They'd look at each other and she could swear they were reading each other's minds. How when Wash was pulling some fancy flying Kaylee'd need about two words over the comm to know what he wanted from her. "Ya'll worked together a lot, huh?" 

"Yeah. And..." Kaylee stopped "Zoe...I ain't makin' you feel worse, am I?" 

"No." This hurt. But it didn't hurt worse. 

Kaylee took the gauge back, then put it gently down. "I just wanted to say, and I know you know this, but...all pilots ain't like Wash was. They want the ship to do everything she's supposed to and they don't much care how. Wash didn't just know flyin', not just navigation. He knew ships. He told me once he took this job 'cause he fell for Serenity and stayed with it 'cause he fell for you." 

The tears were awfully close now, but she managed half a smile. "I heard that tale myself." 

Kaylee turned 90 degrees, leaned against Serenity's engine and took Zoe's hand. "Lao-tyen boo...he could fly. I never knew no one else who could fly like that. And it was partly 'cause he knew what his ship could do. He trusted me to keep her in shape, but if we were in a hurry or I asked he could help me with just about anythin' needed to be done." 

Zoe gripped the girl's hand. She'd not thought until today about the sheer volume of time Kaylee had spent with Wash. Zoe and Wash were alone together at night. But every time she and Mal and Jayne had gone out on a job, Wash and Kaylee had spent the time together, working and worrying. Kaylee would have been one to enjoy the dinosaurs. Wash must have appreciated someone else who'd chatter. They were a lot alike. Warm people. Joyful people. And they both loved Serenity. "You know, I didn't much like Serenity when Mal bought her." 

"But you do now, right?" 

"I started likin' her better when you got her runnin' proper." Zoe paused. "I didn't like Wash when Mal hired him" 

Kaylee tried to smile. "I know. He liked tellin' that story." 

"But I never told you... I ignored his flirtin', figured it were just his basic reaction to all females. Then you came aboard. I watched him watch you rewire his nav system. He never took his eyes offa you." 

Kaylee shook her head. "Weren't me. Wash never took his eyes off the wirin'." 

"Yeah. Took me a while, but I did see that myself. You got out from under pilot console and he told you Bester was a damn fool to let a genius near his job. But if the man flirted at all I didn't see it. I think that was the moment I started to like him. I guess owe you for that." 

"For not bein' attractive enough to tempt him away?" Kaylee gave a watery giggle. 

Zoe rolled her eyes. "That didn't come out too polite." 

"Don't matter. I think its just that...I guess it felt like me'n Wash were kinda like you'n Mal. You shared a war an stuff. We shared...knowin' about boats. It weren't never romantic, but..." 

"You were a team. I hadn't thought 'bout that 'til just now." 

"I didn't much either, 'til I ripped this part out. But...Zoe, I miss him." Kaylee was crying again now, in earnest. 

Zoe held still one more moment, and then let her own tears fall. Silently, but steadily. She put her arms around Kaylee, who grabbed on. They were there for a long time. 

Eventually, Kaylee felt Zoe start to pull back. Kaylee let go, but kept hold of Zoe with one hand. With the other she held up the bit of metal Zoe had found her crying over. "Zoe?" 

Zoe drew a deep breath, let it out. Felt like maybe there was one less she'd need to avoid now. "Yeah?" 

"Do...do you want to know where this goes, how it works?" Kaylee handed her friend the rotational gauge. 

Zoe looked at it in silence for a long moment, then nodded. "I surely do." 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

Title:   **Different Kinds of Need**   
Author:   **Cedar**   
Details:   **Standalone**  |  **PG**  |  **gen**  |  **7k**  |  **01/24/06**   
Characters:  Zoe, Kaylee   
Summary:  At little mourning for Wash   
Notes:  Set after Serenity film, faintly connected to my other stories   
  



End file.
